Her other life

Each morning when the bus drives off, I still get lost for a minute. I cannot believe she is really getting on a bus and going somewhere that I cannot go with her. I mean, from the time she was born, I have taken her everywhere she wanted or needed to go. OK, so David and even May and Bay take her places sometimes, too, but I have always been her primary mode of transportation. It is still hard to watch her drive off without me.

And the whole Kindergarten thing is still tough for me, too. In preschool, I knew all the kids in her class and all the parents. I even knew her teachers very well. I saw them all every morning and every afternoon. In preschool, I even got a note most days telling me what she had for snack and what she did that day. In preschool, I was the "bus." In preschool, she was able to stretch her wings a little, but I was still very much a part of that world.

Another Mommy blogger put my feelings into words. She said something about her child now having a new life that she was not a part of. And it is so true. I can go to PTO meetings and read every hand out that comes home with her. I can watch the bus and wave at the bus driver. I can hang on every word that she chooses to share with me. But the bottom line is, for the first time since she was born, she has this whole other life without me. Now, don't get me wrong, I am so thrilled and proud for her. I would not want things any other way. I am happy that she is able to have this other life and seem to enjoy it so much (except she still wishes school started later). I know that as parents we are supposed to let them go and spread their wings and someday fly. I got it. I get it. I really do. It is just hard to adjust to this new reality.

Seriously, she will mention something off hand like, "Well, yesterday in gym class, we played tag." What!? You went to the gym? When? Did you like it? Is the teacher nice? Were you fast? Did you have to be it? I want to know!! OR she will start singing a song that I have never heard. She sings about quarters and pennies and dimes. A few months ago, all change was either "quarters" or Chuck E Cheese money. Now she even knows songs about the other coinage. Coinage! She is singing about coinage!

After school, she is even different. She is aching to go outside and play with all her new friends. Bike riding, scooter riding, playground, sand box, and all the neighborhood kiddos. She makes plans for afternoon merriment each day on the bus on the way home. I have to drag her in for supper every afternoon. And now she even likes to listen to Hannah Montana (LOUDLY) while she is getting ready to go somewhere. What is she, 16?

But at night when it is time for her to go to bed. We snuggle and read stories and she holds my hand. And for a few minutes each day, she is still my precious Jessa. She is still my baby girl. I can play with her soft hair. I can study her little face. I love and treasure these moments because these days they are few and far between. And before long, I fear they will be a thing of the past.

I promise I am not having a nervous breakdown. Just every morning, when the bus drives off, and I wave at the tinted window with the sweet Jessa hand waving back at me, it hits me all over again.

Bus Stop Politics

So maybe I am not actually allowed at the bus stop. My chair on the approved front porch does allow me a great view, and I can even hear lots of things that are being said. My vantage point may reveal more than I would otherwise know. I am sure they would all be a little different with an old Mommy hanging around, right??

So the funniest thing I have noticed thus far is the lining up. Apparently it is VERY important to some children that they are in line first. The first few days, Jessa did not get the lining up thing. She would just clump up and some of her older, bus riding veteran friends would let her in with them.

The gals who are really into being first have a little plan. They watch until the middle school bus is gone. Then they hurry to the bus stop and put their backpacks down at the spot where they all line up. Thus saving them the place that they want - #1 in line. Sometimes they even go back home for a few minutes, relaxing in the knowledge that they will be able to step into their rightful place.

The oldest one will even distract the younger kids so that she can be first, if she is not already. It tickles me to death! They are so funny. Well, one morning this week, the first in line girls were late. This thrilled a little boy who immediately claimed the coveted first spot in line. He claimed it with his backpack. He then sat down and played some cards. Jessa got out there shortly after him. She placed her backpack in line behind the little boy's backpack. She then sat down and played a really fun card game with the boy. Even though I was all the way across the street, I know the game was fun because Jessa was laughing SO loudly.

You can see Jessa and the first in line backpack boy playing this FUN game on the bench.

You can also see the unhappy other children who were not first.

After a few minutes, the bus did come. And even though I am sure it was difficult, the other kiddos at the bus stop honored the sacred code of the bus stop: the backpack line place holder.

And Jessa was the second one on the bus. But I think the one who was the happiest was the first boy. What a coup! Could the delicate balance of the bus stop be in jeopardy? I will keep an eye on developments from my nest, safely on the front porch, all the way across the street.

Stay on the porch

My independent, stubborn, overly confident, and somewhat too-big-for-her-britches child named Jessa gives me these instructions many times each day. See, the bus stop is on the other side of the street. Thus, she not only wants me on my side of the street - she wants me to stay on the porch. This is better than her original idea which was inside with the door closed and curtains drawn. (Isn't she too young to be this ashamed of her old mom??) The porch is sort of a compromise, I guess.

Last week was her first (and incredibly well documented) experience with riding the bus. I mentioned David's sweetness with not wanting to miss any of the school stuff. Well, bless his heart, he left work at about 3 to hurry home so he could watch his first born disembark from the bus for the first time on this special first day. Seriously, he was SO excited that he even stayed inside peeking out an upstairs window so he would be the first one to see the bus and then alert Spencer and me (out front) when the bus was almost here.

Then there was Spence. He missed her. Bad. All day, he kept asking, "When is Jessa coming?" And starting at about noon, about every 5 minutes or so, "Mommy, where is that bus?" At one point, he was very upset and said, "Mommy. I am worried. I think Jessa is lost. She should be back by now." So he was barely able to contain his excitement about being reunited with his absolute favorite person on the planet.

Of course, it goes without saying that I was about to jump out of my skin. Friday was BY FAR the longest day of my life (to date). I wanted to know every detail. I wanted to know if she was scared. I wondered if she was lonely. Did she get lost? Or confused? Who did she sit with on the bus? Did she sit with a friend at lunch? Did she get in trouble? If I could have put a bug in her sweater, I would have. Basically, I was about to burst to see her, hug her, talk to her, OK, yes, I'll admit it, interrogate her.

Spencer and I hear a pounding of big army boot feet running down the stairs. This is it. The bus is almost here. So when we see it rounding the corner, I say to David, "Should I go across the street??" And he said "YES," mainly because he wanted to go over there, too.

This was a mistake.

What were we thinking???

As the 3 of us are excitedly looking at each child as they walk down the steps, we finally see Jessa. Her reaction was well, not what we expected and not what we wanted. If looks could kill, there would be a triple funeral in the works. Get my drift?

She not only was disappointed to see us, but she very haughtily said to me, "I told you to stay on the porch." And turned to walk away from us. I have no idea where the little priss thought she was going. Our house was the other direction and across the street. David shrugged and jumped back into his car to go back to work. Spencer and I steered her across the street, and tried to not make her any angrier. Man, did we mess up.

By the time she came home, she was exhausted from her first full day of bona fide SCHOOL. I am sure it was draining for her to take in all the rules and procedures, not to mention 3 trips to the playground. Plus, by the time she boarded the bus bound for home, she was a seasoned, bus riding veteran, right? So why would she want or need for her whole family to be waiting for her. How embarrassing! If only she could write a letter to YM about how mortified she was. . .

Once in the house, she looked at me and with huge tears in her eyes said, "Mommy! I did not want y'all there. I am just ill. I told you to stay on the porch! I am tired. And I am ill. And I think I need a nap!"

So I left her alone. Finally, when she approached me, I explained to her that we just love her and we missed her, and that it was a big day for all of us, too. She apologized profusely, and we decided that from now on, she would tell me when it was OK to ask her questions and for the love of Pete, we would stay on the porch.

Fast forward to Monday:

I was on the porch.

Spencer was on the porch.

The bus pulled up.

We stayed where we were.

We waited.

We watched.

And then there was our girl!

Sorry the picture is pretty blurry - apparently,

when we are on the porch, she can run faster!

She was ever so happy to see us. She ran up the drive-way - beaming, grinning from ear to ear. She was thrilled to tell us about her day. We both got hugs and kisses. So in case you were wondering, after our warm reception, Spence and I have learned our lesson.

We are staying on the porch.

THE BIG K: part 2 (bus)

Once she woke up good, I could barely get Jessa to eat this morning. Once the big kids bus left, she wanted to RUN across the street to the bus stop. I am THRILLED that the bus stop is directly across the street from our house. This makes it easier for me to honor her request to not embarrass her. My instructions were,"Mommy, you just stay on your side of the street, OK?" She wanted me inside the house, but I could not do that! Then she decided outside was alright, as long as I stayed on the front porch. I did stay on my side of the street, but the kid's gotta cut me some slack!

David missed his first morning meeting today to be here for the bus. He has been a lot more sentimental about all of this than I thought he would. I think he is just so thankful that he is actually here for some important days. So often, he is not. And we are both very aware of all of our friends who are deployed right now and missing first days with their children.

She said I could take a picture of her BUT only from my side of the street.

I made her pose with her Daddy and you can see that she was NOT happy about it.

She enjoyed her bus stop visiting time immensely. She also chatted her head off with the kids AND the other parents who were actually allowed to be at the bus stop.


She did holler at us across the street several times. She wanted a sweater. It was in the silly girl's backpack the whole time, but I was glad to be allowed to run across and show it to her. That was the only chance I had to steal a hug. . . And I left Spencer in the bed, but he wandered outside. When she saw him, she ran across the street to give him a kiss (like I needed another excuse to get all choked up).

And then it happened.

The bus was here.

She climbed on and searched for a seat for at least 27 minutes.

David made fun of me for taking pictures because the windows are tinted. But it is her. Can't you see her profile?
Seriously, the second she finally sat down, the bus pulled away.

I resisted the STRONG urge to climb on the bus and explain to the bus driver that he was carrying precious cargo. I figure he already knows that, right?

I did not cry until David, Spencer, and I saw the bus pull away and were walking in the house. David never knows what to do with me when I cry. I am OK, though. I really am. She is a big girl. I am proud she is so independent and confident. I am excited for her because I love seeing the world through her eyes. And boy is her world exciting right now. She is going to have so much fun. She is going to make so many new friends. See, I am OK.

Is it 3:00 yet?