Saturday, December 19, 2009

Dear Laundry,

Hello, old foe. I just wanted to take a minute to discuss something with you today. As you know, we have long had a love/hate relationship. I mean, I love not being naked and also not smelling bad. This means, I have to wash you, fold you, hang you, and put you away. But I also loathe you. I know that sounds harsh, but I think you are aware of my feelings. I am pretty sure that this comes from the fact that you are NEVER finished. I mean, even as you are washed and dried and seemingly finished, I am wearing clothes that will all too soon be in the hamper. You just never let me relax. You never give me a break. I also think that you have made friends with the kids so that they can help you in your quest to become insurmountable. I mean how else can I explain their changing clothes 3 times in one day?? And I am convinced that when you are alone, in the dark of the hamper, you are somehow reproducing. I have never managed to catch you in the act, but be warned. I am watching.

Now under normal circumstances, I have accepted all of these things. This is part of life with a family who lives a normal, non-nudist life. But right now, I am very distressed with you. See, I am thinking that you may not know what time of year this is. Maybe you do not have a calendar, maybe you are not paying attention to the commercials, or the carols, or the decorations. I am giving you the benefit of the doubt, really I am. So in case you are living under a rock or OK, in a hamper, or let's face it strewn all over the house on the floor, it is December.
Do you know what that means?
It means it is the Christmas Season.
It is the most wonderful time of the year -
And we are busier than EVER!

I mean, we have parties and concerts. We have to shop and box and wrap things. We have to bake and cook. There is so much going on. At the end of the day, we are all exhausted. There is hardly time to do anything. And we are so busy we are almost never home, which makes it impossible to actually wash you. See what I mean? So can you help me out? Instead of creating more dirty, could you create more clean?

I mean, these pile are simply unacceptable.

It is so discouraging.

I have so many other things I need to do.
Frankly, things that I would rather do.

No offense.

And I do not even have a chute to help me out.
You know my friend Tara, she has a laundry chute.
I am so jealous.
How awesome that must be.
Without this amazing convenience,
I, well,
I have, um,


Somehow, it is not quite the same,

Oh, and sometimes, I do have a minute to do a load: I wash, dry, and fold you.
And then you just sit there.

Can't you pitch in a little?
In the spirit of the season?
I am begging you.

No comments: