Mom, can I say a bad word?

When Lucas and I were little, we were of course not allowed to say words that Momma and Daddy deemed "bad." We were pretty good about this most of the time. But there were times that we needed to say a word that we knew that we were not supposed to say. Most times we were quoting another person who did not have quite as clean a vocabulary or there were always the times we wanted to point out a "bad word" in a song. So from as far back as I can remember, Lucas or I would say, "Momma, can I say a bad word?" And she would usually grant us permission to say the word once to properly tell a story or to simply quote someone else. It became sort of part of our normal discourse. And there are still times that we say it - even now. Hard habit to break, I guess.


Well, I, too have many words that my children are not allowed to say. Now, at this point in their young lives these words are not really terribly bad words. They are just words that sound ugly and rude coming out of their sweet little mouths. On the scale of "bad words" they are quite tame.



A few examples:

They cannot say "hate" or "butt" or "stupid" or "shut up" or "loser."

And they cannot say that they do not like a person (mainly each other ;>)

And they cannot call people any hurtful names.


And because I have outlawed these words, we all try hard not to say them either. In fact, Mimi and Momma are bad to say "You shut up!" just playing with each other. They NEVER say it in anger or seriously. But my sweet, literal babies always correct them and say, "You shouldn't say that!" Now, I know that as adults we can say things that are not appropriate for children. And I am a firm believer that sometimes it is a "Do as I say not as I do" sort of thing. But I figure the words that sound ugly coming out of their mouths probably do not sound much better coming out of ours, so it can't hurt us to follow the same rules.


And I have never told them about Lucas or me asking Momma "Can I say a bad word?" But they have started saying that of me!



The first time was when I was in the hospital. Wait, did I tell you I had surgery? Well, I did. (ha!) Jessa said, "Momma, can I say a bad word?" And I said, "OK, just this once." And she said, "I just want to say that I hate it when you are sick." I told her that it was more than OK to feel that way! But I must admit, my heart stopped for a minute because I was thinking of the words that Lucas and I wanted to quote to mom in middle school, not the tamer list of forbidden words my kids currently have!


I am still not used to it. The other day, Jessa, who was suffering with a yucky, snotty cough, came in and sat down next to me. In between yucky coughs, she said, "*cough* Mom *cough* Can I *cough* say a *cough* bad word?" I took a deep breath and said, "I guess so." And she said, "Mom, *cough* I am tired of this *cough* stupid cough!" I smiled and said, "Me, too!"


About the time I get used to what they actually mean when they ask me "Can I say a bad word," my heart will stop because they will up the stakes and want to say an actual cuss word.

*GASP*

The usual

I have blogged a little before about our wild Wednesdays. We have a lot on our plates on Wednesdays. Of course, there is school for both babies. After I drop Spencer off, I usually go to church to get our classroom set up for Awana. It is quiet and I can think. And I get to have cool chats with the awesome custodians. After that, I usually have a few errands to run before time to get Spence.

Then I pick Spencer up at 11:30, it is a mad dash to get everything else done. I usually think of wonderful ideas to use for my kiddos at Awana in advance. But being the procrastinator that I am, I am always finishing things up once we get home from Spencer's school. I really do work well under pressure (even if you cannot tell that by looking at the mess that is my house after a Wednesday!).

Jessa gets home at 3:15. And then it gets nuts. See, I have to get the car loaded. Make sure everyone has a snack. Make sure no one falls asleep (we love quick after school naps, but they don't work on Wednesdays). Make Jessa get dressed for ballet and tap. Help Jessa take off said ballet leotard, tights, and skirt to potty, even though I already asked her 12 times BEFORE we put on the whole get-up. Get Jessa's Awana stuff packed up. Help Spencer find his socks. Help Spencer put on his socks. Help Spencer find his shoes. Watch him put them on the wrong feet and bite my tongue to keep from mentioning it. Get Spencer's Awana stuff packed up. Feed dogs (IF I have time since we are not home at "supper time."). Feed cat (also time permitting). Change my clothes to put on my super cool Cubbies shirt. Try to look presentable. Give up and grab a rubber band for the mane. Then out the door by 5.

We drop Jessa off at ballet and get her all situated. Then Spencer and I are off to church to get ready for Awana. See, all the last minute stuff I did was not ready at 9:00 when I was there to "set up," so there is still more to do! I then get to meet up with my awesome co-teacher for us to go over last minute plans.

Then I get to have fun and sing and run and laugh with my awesome Cubbies at Awana for an hour and fifteen minutes. After it is over, we clean up the room. I try to find my misbehaving childrens somewhere in the fellowship hall. Then I herd the kids out the door. I finally get both of them in the car, and we are on our way.

Are we headed home? Nope. Not yet. We have established a Wednesday routine. There is only one place to eat between church and home that does not require us to go out of our way. That place is Subway. Let me tell you, I love me some Subway. I was a Sandwich Artist in High School, so I feel sort of at home there. Well, talk about feeling at home, my kids think it is our second home now.

We go each week. We have made friends out of employees. I love it because when we pull into the parking lot, they start making our sandwiches. How cool! I have always wanted to be able to go into a restaurant and order "the usual." Here, we do not even have to order it and it is done! if one kid is sick, we still stop to get food to bring home. And they always ask where's the other kid? They are so sweet (and patient) with us. Sometimes Bay is with us. Sometimes David is with us. Sometimes even May is there. But the kids and I are almost always there. We are all 3 so tired that we are punchy by this point. The kids seriously think they own the place. They go to the bathrooms by themselves. They head straight to the fridge to pick out their milk. We have 414 of those cute little kids meal sacks floating around the house, the car, the backyard. And if we have a week off and miss going, the next week, the employees who are now our friends always want to know where we were and tell us we were missed.

It is so comforting to know that we are going to Subway each week. The kids sing the "Five Dollar Foot Long" song and love to say, "We are going to "Eat Fresh!" And we sit in our booth and have our supper. I did not have to cook. I will not have to clean up anything more than a few sandwich wrappers. And after the wild Wednesdays that we always have, that is the BEST.

And every week when it is time for us to head home, the kids tell everyone bye and thank you. And then our Subway buddies say, "See you next week!" And you know what, we probably will. And I love that.

simple pleasures

Life can be hard. And stressful. Some days are even stressful AND hard at the same time. Sometimes you just need a little pick me up. And for me, chocolate usually fits that bill. Or any other "sweet treat," really. Or margaritas. But my kids are not allowed to drink margaritas and most drive-in windows do not have margaritas on the menu (except some places did have mixed drinks at drive-in windows when we were in Louisiana - gotta love no open container law. . .). Oh, and there is some rule about drinking alone or something that makes me think I should not fire up the blender and make myself a pitcher when I am the only adult home. You know? And then what if someone needs to go to the emergency room, and I am drunk. See the problem?

So I go back to "sweet treats." I love to get desserts from restaurants to go. Then I can eat it when I am at home in my jommies all ready for bed. It is always a good reward for being such a great wife and mother every day. You know, celebrating the little victories like, feeding everyone almost 3 times or remembering to buy toilet paper at the commissary or waking up in time to take a shower before taking Spencer to school or putting Jessa's library book in her backpack on library day. It is all about little victories, people.

There are also the "sweet treats" that you can swing by and pick up. These are great because they require no real work AND I can do it in my jommies. (In case you did not realize it, I really like to wear jommies, but I cannot bring myself to do it in public. . .) Like a blizzard. My friend Tara and I were addicted to them when we were at Ft. Lee. She would come and eat supper with us and almost always brought us a "Cool Treat" from our local DQ. But my all time favorite "sweet treat" from a drive-in window is the delicious, delectable Hershey's Sundae Pie from Burger King. AND the BEST thing about this love affair that I have with this pie is that nearly every military post in the whole world has a BK! Yep. When we were in Bamberg, Germany, David could make my day just by bringing me a Hershey's Pie. I am SO easy.

AND, guess what?! My babies L-O-V-E Hershey Pie! Jessa calls it "Hershey Pot Pie" which can conjure a somewhat disturbing image (think Rachel on Friends and her homemade English Trifle). Nothing can brighten their day more than us hopping in the car and heading to BK to pick up some Hershey Pie.

So this afternoon, after school, we ran some errands. And David is out of town (so rare, I know, right?), so I asked them what they wanted for supper. I said we could fix anything they wanted or go out, and they both wanted to go out. They both said, "BURGER KING!" Really, kids, Burger King? I said we could go anywhere they wanted OFF BASE. Chili's, Red Robin, Applebee's. . . They pick BK, about 1 mile from the house ON BASE. Whatever. I did say they could pick. . .

So we went in and had a lovely meal courtesy of the King.

And we brought home 3 Hershey's Sundae Pies.

And the three of us all ate them together.

The supreme "sweet treat."

We used the fancy plastic forks.

Family bonding at its BEST.

And we ate them right out of their cute little triangle boxes.

Simple Pleasures REALLY are Life's Treasures.

And it's like they always say:

The family that eats Hershey's Pie together,

STAYS together!

(or something like that. You get the idea, right?)

An open letter to Snow

Dear Snow,

Hello, we are the Crazy Keys. Let me tell you a little bit about us. We are all pretty much Southern Folk. And you don't make it down to the parts where we spent most of our lives all that often. True, some of us have spent some time in Europe, but for the most part, we are not "snow people." We don't know how to act, what to wear, how to drive, or how to not rush out to buy bread, milk, and beer when even the slightest threat of small flurries is predicted. It is just who we are.

But this winter, thanks to our beloved Army, we are spending our first winter since having children in a colder area. We have seen more snow in a few weeks than we have in our lifetime. We have enjoyed it! We have stared at it. We have been in awe of it. We have played, sledded, and just taken it all in. Oh, and thanks for the couple of days off from school. That too was awesome.

The reason I am writing to you now is to ask you a favor. See, when you first came, we were woefully unprepared. We did not have snow boots or other appropriate footwear. We had rain boots and extra socks. Our feet were painfully cold. We did not have waterproof pants. We wore layers that just made us colder and wetter. Our legs were painfully cold. We do have coats, so our bodies were OK. But the only gloves we had were the 2 pair for a dollar knit ones from Target. Not so good for the snow. Our hands were painfully cold. Our heads were pretty warm because we had hoods and hats. But overall, we were painfully cold. Bitterly, painfully cold.

So what is a Southern, girl scout of a mother to do?

Well, I did some on-line shopping. I spent a considerable amount of money on snow boots for me and both of my children.

I ordered waterproof mittens for my children.

My dear mother ordered ski bib/snow pants for my children.

Now we have everything we could possibly need to endure, nay, enjoy a snowy Illinois day. We can sled without worrying about wet booties or knees. We can step in deep spots of snow without getting 2 quarts of snow in our boots. We can make snow angels without being painfully cold. We can even make snow balls or build a snowman. We are ready. These Southern Georgia Peaches are ready and prepared for anything you have to offer.

Know where I am going with this? Um, please, SNOW SOME MORE! I will be mega sad if my Mom and I have spent a small fortune on appropriate attire for playing in the snow and then no more snow comes. OK? Please!? We are bundled. We are prepared. We are ready.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,

The Crazy Keys

P.S. Another snow day or two out of school would be cool with us, too. I'm just saying.

1 family = 5 computers?

Momma and Daddy gave me my first laptop when I graduated from college (age 21). I was immediately in love. I like that I can do computer stuff anywhere. That all my info can come with me everywhere. I have my cute little external hard drive for all the data that I must have (aka PICTURES) with me at all times. And I have my computer on and connected at all times. I google things obsessively. The other night at supper Daddy asked a question about Colt McCoy's injury during the BCS Championship. Even though we were at the supper table, my computer was right behind me so I could grab it and google away. Within moments we were watching video clips and reading commentary about how this injury will affect his future career. I love that. I say on a daily basis that I do not know how we survived before. I have maps, recipes, cute status updates, crafts, you name it. It is all contained within this rectangle full of chips and wires and a bunch of other stuff that I do not understand.

Now David, he's a computer nut. He has built tons of computers. Some for himself, some for others. He spent an afternoon last week at the home of his boss trying to help his wife get a new computer up and running. He will return later to hook up their wireless network. He is good at fixing them and tinkering with them. He reads computer magazines for pleasure. He is the type of person that you would call a computer nerd except we all love him and need him and depend on him so much that we would not dare insult him. He is the family IT guy. I affectionately call him Nick Burns and he is always shouting "MOVE!" (Props, to SNL fans who get that without clicking on the link. . .) And besides my current laptop, he has a PC that he built and continues to upgrade, and a laptop that he takes with him on deployments. He also has a work computer, but he can only use it for official stuff. The government is not keen on its employees posting to Youtube or playing Mafia Wars - I cannot imagine why. . . (In case you are keeping score, that is 3 working computers that we own.) We are on a wireless network AND even have a wireless printer thing so we can all send to the same printer. (I LOVE that so much! I can even print from my bedroom upstairs to the printer in the kitchen!! I am so high tech!)

Two Christmases ago, we got the kiddos one of those Fisher Price Computer thingys. They could go to approved websites using the cool plastic figures. They enjoyed it a lot. David even hooked up a screen to the hard drive from an old laptop with a busted screen, so they had their very own computer. (We are now at 4 computers.) Of course, he built them a table to keep it on, too. It was a hit!

But they rapidly outgrew it. Their knowledge and needs were more sophisticated than the Fisher Price could handle. So we started just letting them use the computer without the Fisher Price thing hooked up. That worked for a while. See, at first, Jessa was the only one who could use the mouse, etc., so Spencer did whatever she wanted and was purely a spectator. THEN, he figured out he could do it WITHOUT her. This caused trouble because they did not want to share. And really it was hard to ask them to. They wanted to do wildly different things, and the only time of day that was "Computer time," life was no fun for me to try and ref. So Spencer stuck with the old laptop and Jessa, well, she wanted MINE.

I have already told you haw addicted to googling I am, right? Well, I was bummed when every time I needed to google something important like who is the voice of Mermaid Man on Spongebob, my computer was already engaged with another equally important pursuit like redecorating Polly Pocket's Dream House. What's a girl to do?

Well, last summer my sweet mother mentioned in passing that she and Daddy would love to get the kids their own computers for Christmas. At first, I was appalled! What?! My (at the time) 5 and 3 year olds do not need their own computer! When I was 5, no one even knew what a lap top was! And a mouse, well, it was a pesky pest that sent Momma, Lucas, and Me to a hotel until Daddy could produce a carcass. They are way too young!

This summer, during the move, they were sometimes easy to occupy while I unpacked. . .

Yet, as Christmas was fast approaching, I was becoming more frustrated when I needed my computer, but my daughter was already on it. I mean, I was way behind on my online shopping! Something had to give, so I called Momma and asked if she and Daddy were still thinking of Netbooks for the kiddos. She was thrilled and chastised me for making fun of her to start with. Oh well!

So this year, for Christmas, my 6 year old daughter was given her first computer. A precious Netbook in pink.

And my 3 year old (at the time) son was given his first computer. A handsome Netbook in blue.

So thanks to a very generous May and Bay, Jessa and Spencer are now computer owners (11 years and 14 years before their dear old mother). And we are now a 5 (working) computer family. Welcome to the 21st century! We are like the Jetsons or something, huh?

P.S. Please do not call DFACS, their computers are still kept in the family room where we can monitor them - no worries about them hold up in their rooms being cyberstalked or cyberbullied or any other horrible cyber crime.

P.S.S. I kept saying "working computers" because we have lots of old computers and computer parts around here that don't work anymore!! And important distinction!

A few more Christmas stories

OK. I am trying to get all caught up in life, and of course my dear blog. As previously billed, here are the last few Christmas Stories that I want to record for posterity.

Mistletoe

I have ALWAYS wanted mistletoe for my house. My Momma and Mimi both have these cool (plastic) mistletoe balls with a red ribbon that hang in a specified place in their houses every year. Mom's is in the foyer so when people enter, BAM! Pucker Up! Mimi's hangs in the arch way that divides her living room and dining room. Perfect for Christmas Eve Kisses when we are all gathered there each December 24th.

Even after 30+ years of marriage, they cannot resist the power of the Christmas Kiss!
So this year, I was determined to find my own mistletoe. OK, if I wanted real mistletoe, Daddy could have shot me some down out of a tree. But I really wanted plastic to be reused again and again. So after years of looking in stores, I finally took it the Internet. I ordered a precious ball of mistletoe, my dream decoration for like $4. In fact, the UPS shipping cost MORE than the item. But still for about $10, I finally had it. And it was all mine!

The fan was the perfect place to hang it. Right in the middle of the room, plus it is too dang cold to actually need a fan!!

My kids. Well, they. loved. it. Like 10 times a day, they would holler from the den, "Oh. Mommy! I am under the mistletoe!" So cute. And even though many times it was horribly inconvenient, I would always drop what I was doing and run in there for my special kiss! The time is coming when Mommy kisses are no longer desired. I also caught them kissing under it many times. It was a total hit. And it really did make all my decorations perfect. David would accuse me of wanting it "just because Momma and Mimi had it." And he may be right. I mean, isn't Christmas about traditions?

Melts my heart. . .

Gifts

This year is the first year that the kids really shopped. I have been just signing their names to things before. Jessa's school had a "Secret Santa Shop" in December so that kids could shop for their families. It was a PTO thing, so I actually helped with the whole thing. Daddy came to help the kids shop and hang out with them while I wrapped. The High School Beta Club even had teenagers there to serve as "secret shoppers" if the kids wanted to shop for their parents and they did not have a Bay handy! I gave them money, but poor Bay had to supplement. A lot. They were mad generous! And when we got home, they wrapped everything themselves. SO PRECIOUS. OK, and frustrating. Jessa is not the most patient person. She is a perfectionist and got upset if it did not work just the way she wanted.

They were so proud. Spencer got me a necklace that said "Mom". It is really pretty, and it even has a fake diamond! And Jessa got me an angel figurine that lights up with a fancy neon LED light. They got presents for other people, too. David got a pen from Spencer that said #1 Dad. And he notices when David is using it, too! Jessa got Bay a stuffed mouse thingy. Oh and Spencer got Momma some fancy jewelry. Jessa even picked out a lovely ring for her teacher! They really were thoughtful. . .

I also let each of them pick something for the other one during shopping trips when I only had one of them with me. This was pretty easy since they both had sicknesses off and on. . . He picked her out a Barbie Aqua Doodle type book thing. She picked him out a set of Sponge Bob Matchbox cars. The sweetest part about it all is that they each wanted to wrap what they bought for the other one. So I set them up and they both did a good job.

The first presents under our tree this year were so special because they were for my babies FROM my babies.

Cards

This is the first year that the kids seemed interested in Christmas Cards. They each picked out some to give to their friends. I thought this was a cute idea. I even got Candy Canes to attach to each card. They had class lists and were excited to tackle this task.

They spent a lot of time. They got all set up. I had to help Spencer a little more than Jessa, but they did a lot of it themselves. Spencer and I were set up on the coffee table. Quite an operation.

I am pretty sure this is called "Hardly Working." Note the marker covered hands.

He finished more quickly - I was allowed to help him, and his class is much smaller.

One of his cards - close-up

All of his cards - ready to go! He drew them all pictures. So cute!

Jessa, on the other hand was on the floor by the tree with her lap board. She was very focused and determined. She was making lots of progress. I went over to check on her. She had a stack of cards all nicely sealed. Many had pictures on the outside that she has drawn. I looked over them and realized that not one of them had a name on the outside. She wrote "Dear ____" on the inside and then nothing on the outside. Oops. AND she was not doing them in order, so I could not even begin to guess which card was for which child.

I had to get out tools:

Unseal the card.

Check the name.

Reseal the card.

Sit with her until she wrote the name from the inside on the outside.

She took it all very seriously and the night she did her cards, I left her up. Seriously, she was not going to bed until they were all finished. So Spencer was already in the bed, and I got all my end of the evening stuff done. And I left me sweet girl downstairs, sitting by the Christmas tree, listening to Christmas CDs, and thoughtfully addressing a Christmas card to every child in her class (27!).

The actual holiday of Christmas may have been a post-surgical, drug-induced blur, but I have some really awesome memories of preparing for Christmas this year. . .

Where the heck is the Santa Maria?

I started this post weeks ago, just after it happened Labor Day Weekend. It got pushed to the side and now I am proud to present it as my Happy Columbus Day post:

My Daddy's secretary is awesome. She is always on the lookout for cool activities to partake in on the weekends. The week before Labor Day, she sent Daddy an e-mail about replicas of the Nina and Pinta being docked in Grafton, Illinois that weekend. This was very exciting news and something we definitely should check out, right? But the first thing I asked him was "What about the Santa Maria?" He laughed because that was apparently the first question he asked, too. A valid question, we thought. So now we had to go, if for no other reason, but to track down the missing ship in the famous trifecta.

We left at about 11 am. (OK, we meant to leave at 11, but we actually left at 11:23.) Daddy thought we should first stop for brunch. So we went to Cracker Barrel. One delicious meal and 2 beanie babies later, we were on our way. We drove up a beautiful road right along the river. The drive reminded me of driving up the Rhine when we were in Germany. It was very exciting to see all the rivers. See, apparently it is a really cool area because the Mississippi, the Illinois, and the Missouri are all hooking up about there. This is a way big deal and there are about 52 signs to makes sure you are taking in all the awesomeness and realizing the magnitude of it all.

When we finally arrived in the small town of Grafton, it was clear that Joyce must have told other people about this event because we were not alone! There were cars everywhere - in some cases, not parked, but practically abandoned!

We did have to wait in line for a while before we were allowed to board the ships. The funniest thing that Spencer said was, "Look Mommy! It is like a pirate ship!" I said, "Yes, it does remind me of a pirate ship, too." And he said, "No, it is a pirate ship - look, it has the same curtains!" I guess the sails do sort of look like curtains.

It was a lot of standing and walking, but I think it was worth it. How cool to get to see replicas of such famous ships. We paid some money and were able to meet the captain of the ships and walk around all over the ships.

Bay, Jessa, and the Captain - named Captain Morgan, I swear!

He is the one who explained the absence of the Santa Maria. Apparently, it was the smallest ship. It was unreliable and Columbus did not like it very much. So they were celebrating the best 2 ships of the 3.

My sweet sailors

Bay and Jessa - notice the Cracker Barrel Duck in her hand,

And Spencer, relaxing, clutching his Cracker Barrel stuffed animal.

Most every one's reaction was "Wow, those are smaller than we thought they would be." I must confess that I could not say that because I have never even given it a passing thought, so I had no expectations. But it was still a pretty cool day. And even if there is some question about the legacy of Columbus, I am still glad he headed over here all those years ago. . .

Toilet

What's up with that word?? Why is it the funniest word my children have ever heard - EVER.?

I mentioned in another post that when Jessa's class was working on the letter "t" that each time the teacher would ask them to tell her a "t" word, they all came up with toilet first. But the love for that word in this house started well before the letter "t" became a classroom discussion.

No matter how bad of a mood one of them is in, if the other one utters a silly, quiet "toilet," they both erupt into silly giggles and belly laughs. I guess it is just one of those words?

I have overheard many conversations between them that go something like this:
"Hello, Mr. Toilet."
"No, you are Mrs. Toilet!"
Hee-hee Ha-ha!

We can change the words of any song to include toilet. We can fit toilet into any conversation. I just do not get it. But I guess I cannot complain. On the scale of offensive words, it is not terribly so. It is an important part of every home, right? It is necessary and a part of every day. I guess I just do not find it as amusing as they do. Nor does it inspire me to sing. . .

I guess I am not cool like they are. . .

I will close with a new favorite phrase:

Oh my toilet!