Saturday, January 9, 2010

Weapon of choice - toothpaste

I was too tired, too frustrated, too upset to take pictures. And oddly enough, I realized after the mess was cleaned that my camera was in my pants pocket! I was just too caught up in the moment to even think clearly. And as mad as I was, my anger quickly dissipated and I was stifling laughter once I heard the explanation. Oh wait, maybe I should tell you what in the heck I am talking about, huh?

Here goes.
Last night, I was herding the babies toward bed. The whole process can be simply exhausting. They have developed this whole routine/ rigmarole to go to bed. Seriously, I did not go to create these little monsters with a list a mile long of "what to do before bed." It just sort of happened.

I have been a little slow to get back into the swing of things this week. After my sudden surgery and recuperation, this week being back on a normal schedule has been tough. So I was already past the point of being a patient, calm, rational mommy. They were sent to the bathroom to get their teeth brushed while I was getting their beds turned down, their books ready, their ice water fixed. After my strongly worded instructions (for the 11th time), they made it into the bathroom. I heard some rumblings, but I tried to ignore them. I mean, how much trouble can you get into while brushing your teeth, right? Right???

I passed them in the hall as they were headed out of the bathroom. At first, I was pleased. We were headed in the right direction. They are checking off the blocks that lead to bedtime. They were in their room. Yes!

Then I went into the bathroom. I was shocked. There was toothpaste on the counter, in the sink, on the cabinets, on the towels, on THE WALL. So I hollered, "JESSA LYNN! SPENCER JOHNSON! GET BACK IN HERE NOW!"

Spencer made it back first. That is when I noticed it. Besides being all over the bathroom, the lovely neon blue Sponge Bob toothpaste was on Spencer's hands, on his cheek, and IN HIS HAIR. I started whimpering, "oh my. oh my. Spencer, what a mess! What happened?! How did you get toothpaste everywhere?" And as I started washing the toothpaste off of my poor boy, he looked up at me and said, "Jessa did it." Well, I did not doubt for a second that she did it. I mean, it is just like her. She would totally do something ugly to him, AND he loves her so much that he would even be still for her to cover him in toothpaste. So as I am getting the thick, sticky paste out of my baby boy's hair, I called Jessa again.

She slowly meandered into the bathroom. And when she got there, I asked her, "Jessa? Did you do this to Spencer? Did you cover your brother with toothpaste?" And she looked at me and did not even attempt to deny it. She stared me straight in the eye and said, "Yes, I did." This part is actually a victory. Maybe a small one, but she sometimes tries to deny doing things, so at least she freely admitted to this transgression.

I was about finished the Spencer's de-pasting by this point. So I stopped and looked at her and asked a question that many mother's would ask if they were in my shoes. "Why, Jessa? Why did you do this to poor Spencer?"

Well, friends, with a straight face, she looked me right in the eye and said very seriously, almost matter-of-factly, "Well, mom, you know he is my arch enemy."

I covered my mouth so she did not see the smile that appeared. I stifled my laughter. I collected myself. She was so serious. This was a valid excuse. An explanation beyond reproach. OF COURSE she pasted him, he is in fact her arch enemy. I guess we should all thank the Lord that she did not do more. I mean, she would have been well within her rights, don't you think? When battling an arch enemy, I doubt many people would be able to limit their attack to just toothpaste.

And I said, "Well, even if he is your arch enemy, please refrain from covering him with toothpaste before bed, OK?"

She agreed.
Then with my close supervision, she proceeded to clean the counters, the sinks, the cabinets, the wall - until no evidence of her battle remained.

Then they finally went to bed.

Arch enemy?
Oh the drama!

1 comment:

kate said...

Hilarious!!! I love, love, love this post! That is so funny! Oh my goodness...your kids crack me up.